My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
