I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
