who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
