vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
