I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
