you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
