So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
