I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
