I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
