On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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