my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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