You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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