it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
