I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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