We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
