PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
