help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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