so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
