i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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