dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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