My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
