if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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