Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
