I think my vagina is haunted
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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