If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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