his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sext me about skeletons
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
