Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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