Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
