Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
