Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
