yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
