Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
