I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
