I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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