She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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