it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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