The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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