He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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