dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
