Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
