You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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