maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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