I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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