batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
