So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
