Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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