I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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