super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
