I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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