naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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