A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
