All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
