I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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