he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
