I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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