you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
