seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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