someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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