Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
