I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is not my ceiling
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
