i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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