i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
