Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
